[[begin]]you were my best friend,
[[once.]]we were the children running through the [[clover]] [[field]],
fingers swinging together,
feet tripping over the grass and each other.
you painted the world beautiful and happy,
with your laughter and your [[sparkling eyes]].eventually, the seemingly inexhaustible supply
of our youthful energy
and we stumbled to the ground,
for a while, we just lay there,
somehow grinning as we [[gasped for air]].*look!* you said after a while. *it's a four-leaf clover!*
i gasped and bolted upright,
my eyes wide as i [[stared at you]]. *really?*
*yeah! check it out!*
you thrust the clover at me,
*wow...* i whispered excitedly. *that's so cool...*
you bobbed your head rapidly. *hey—if there was one, maybe there's another! let's look!*
*okay!* [[i agreed.]](you were always the prettier one)
(it's not that i was jealous)
(it's more that i never stopped [[being awestruck|gasped for air]])for a long time,
we scrambled around the field,
tearing through [[grass]] and [[stems]] and [[little leaves]]
in the frantic search
for a four-leaf clover to match the one you'd found.
but as hard as we tried,
we found no other four-leafs [[that day]].(you always loved clovers)
(there are a few pressed in between your notebooks)
([[i caught it from you|once.]])(it wasn't really a field of clovers, of course)
(but there were thick patches here and there)
(that was [[enough for us|once.]])(thin enough that you hardly noticed it [[being gone|i agreed.]])(they don't [[hold together|i agreed.]])(small and green and [[easily torn apart|i agreed.]])*aw...* i wiped the sweat from my forehead and sighed. *i can't find one.*
*me either.* you looked at me,
then down at your hand.
then you offered the clover to me.
*here. [[you can have it.]]*my eyes widened,
and i very carefully took the clover
and examined it.
it had retained its pristine, perfect condition
during our search,
as if no one had ever [[disturbed it.]]*really...?* i asked hesitantly.
you nodded enthusiastically. *yeah. it's okay. i'll find another one someday.*
*you think so?*
*yeah!* you grinned. *of course i will. i'll find another one just like that, and then [[we'll both have one!]]*
giggling with joy,
you joined me in laughter,
and the world melted away
into warm sunlight
and [[leaf-green happiness]].[[...]]today,
i am [[alone]] in that field.we've both grown up
and grown apart.
like two leaves
on two different trees,
we are distant.
we have no connection to each other
the four-leaf clover
has long since
[[withered and died.]]you haven't been back to the clover field,
as far as i know.
probably to [[roses]] or [[violets]] or [[lilies]].
i don't have any flowers [[anymore.]](red petals might be pretty
but they die [[very soon|withered and died.]])(violets might be colorful
but they don't have [[enough green|withered and died.]])(lilies may be pure
but innocence is [[lost|withered and died.]])i still get
on my hands and knees
from time to time,
to search for a four-leaf clover
to replace the one you gave me so long ago.
i hunt and hunt,
until my breath is gone
and my face is glistening with sweat.
but no matter how hard i try,
i can't find that [[extra leaf.]]and the funny thing is,
[[(i don't fucking remember how it happened.)]]i don't remember how we grew apart.
i don't remember how, exactly, it happened.
**i don't remember anything.**
[[so...]]what am i supposed to do?
A Some Strange Circus Game
Written by Chelsea Sieg
Thanks to Naomi Norbez for being my first Patron.
Thanks to Naomi Norbez and kaleidofish for inspiring work on this game.